The Have–Do–Be Flu

As responsible (response-able) masters of our lives, we can powerfully create our own circumstances by working on being who we are and becoming what we want by doing the things necessary to achieve our goals.

North America, however, seems to be plagued with the Have–Do–Be flu! This is the misunderstanding that we first need to have something before we can produce results or achieve our goals.

Consider the following thought, “If I only had a bass boat, then I could take my son fishing and be a good father.” The malady here is that one does not need a bass boat in order to be a good father. If more focus and action were placed on the being of a good father and the doing of taking the boy fishing, then the having of a bass boat would be optional. If we spend most of our energy on being who we are and becoming what we want, then we are doing the things necessary to achieve our desires. Ironically, many of the things that we want or need will appear for us on our journey.

Too much concern about our Have’s or Have-Not’s resembles the following:
i. If only I could have more time …
ii. If I had a degree I could …
iii. I’ll be happy when my mortgage is paid off …
iv. If only I had a more passionate spouse …

In the above scenarios, the very thought that the problem is ‘outside-in’ (i.e. needing to have something outside our influence) is the true setback. We are empowering the problem and allowing it to control us. We feel that someone or something has to change before we can change.

A proactive approach to our concerns would be to change from thinking 'outside-in' to thinking ‘inside-out’, which would mean to be different or to behave differently in order to positively change what is outside.

i. I could use my time differently …
ii. I can influence change without a degree …
iii. I am happy now while I pay my mortgage …
iv. I can be more cooperative with my spouse …

A corporate example of the Have–Do–Be flu might be, “If only my boss wasn’t such a dictator, then I could use more creativity to enhance my role in this company.” This is reactive thinking, with a focus on having something outside different in order to produce results or achieve the goal. A more proactive approach would focus on being who you are, at your personal best, “I can use my creativity to best serve my boss’s management style.” Perhaps using a strategy of accepting and empathizing with your boss’s style, and brief written suggestions or recommendations where you feel you can offer solutions, would allow you to exercise your creativity.

Be a light, not a judge.
Be a model, not a critic.
Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Source: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Anyone can recover from the Have–Do–Be flu by focusing energy on being who you are, and becoming who you want to be by taking the necessary actions to achieve goals and produce results. You do not need to have anything from the outside to be any different. Everything you need is within you.

Here’s to your BEing.
Penny

Penny Tremblay is a speaker, trainer and author who helps organizations and individuals achieve their goals.
Book Penny for Keynotes, Workshops and Seminars by contacting her at 705-498-1818 or www.pennytremblay.com