Gary has worked his whole life in sales. Beginning in the auto sector followed by a job with a food distribution company, for a while, he covered a territory spanning from Algoma across Northeastern Ontario. In April, Gary lost his job. He is in his late fifties and wonders what comes next?
Lately, he complains of feeling lost and helpless. His life has become a dark tunnel from which he can’t escape.
Why does Gary feel this way? What supports are available?
Community Counselling Centre of Nipissing (CCCNIP) provides limited help and support through a virtual walk in program.
Many men derive their self-esteem from their work and ability to provide. They may have spent decades working in a job and then find themselves suddenly out of work.
At the same time, the workplace is changing. Factory and jobs requiring physical labour are being wiped out through automation, while demand for service jobs such as Personal Support Workers and Nursing is exploding. As a result, men are having to adapt. Many younger men are moving into more nurturing types of careers while others are taking the role of stay-at-home caregivers for young children. Traditional concepts of men as primary providers and protectors are falling away.
Despite the changes to our economy, and changes to social roles for men, services and supports for men continue to follow old stereotypes.
Society used to look down on men who showed any kind of weakness or vulnerability. When men suffered from a mental health breakdown, depression, anxiety or addiction, often these were seen as character flaws. Men learned from a young age that showing mental health symptoms was socially inappropriate.
Similarly, the design of services for men followed these same social norms. In the 1970s, government funding flowed to programs providing services to women and children. Today, the province funds extensive social programs serving the needs of women and children. But there are virtually no publicly funded psychotherapy and counselling services available to men in Ontario.
Elisa Butoyi works with men referred by the courts in North Bay.
Butoyi says, “For generations, men have found ways to connect and find emotional support either at bars, or over a pool table, sports events or the gym. Some men find meaning and belonging through a religious affiliation. But for men who are dealing with a history of trauma and isolation, there are very few specialized services.”
The CCCNIP provides a psycho-education program for men who have been referred by the correction system. However, once in the program, a high number of men ask for help recovering from trauma, depression and extensive relationship problems. Group facilitator, Shannon O’Connor, reports that by the time most men get to the group program, they feel it is too late. “They lament that the lack of programs and supports leaves them to fend for themselves. All too often, they repeat the violent patterns that they have learned from their traumatic pasts,” says O’Connor.
Butoyi adds that many men are reluctant to ask for help. Instead, they might engage in reckless behaviour, excessive substance use, extreme sports or obsessive behaviour. For many men, once they experience a safe, supportive, therapeutic environment, the relief is overwhelming. They are eager to open up and talk and find ways to heal.
It is time to recognize that social stereotypes for men need to change. It is time to provide services to men.
For questions or information on what is available, visit the Community Counselling Centre of Nipissing online or call 705-472-6515.