Jerri and Michael buying up Mexico. Photo provided by Maureen Clout.
We spent the full day with a man that never runs out of energy! He has lived through two cancers, had his hip replaced four years ago and, has been living with HIV and all its’ complications for 25 years.
I learned a lot today, not only about HIV, but about how much affect a positive attitude can have on the results of a serious medical situation.
Michael Kyte is the kind of guy who many people aim to be. I met him the first day here in Mexico City and I have learned enough to last a lifetime from him in just a few days.
I had a chance to learn about what kind of an impact HIV has on not only the person infected, but how many people it affects.
It was 25 years ago when Michael was diagnosed with HIV. For the next six months, he says he walked around in denial. He described it as an out of body experience. A complete fog rested heavily over him. Having talked to many people here who are HIV positive, describing the day they when diagnosed HIV positive have said much the same thing as Michael experienced. It is very difficult to comprehend what has just happened to them. And what it means for the rest of your life. There is no cure, sure the drugs are better and people are living longer but HIV is for life.
“Living with HIV has affected my life in ways you cannot possibly imagine,” Michael says. “When you finally accept the fact that you are HIV positive, you have so much to learn.”
“I started to notice the smaller things in life and you learn to live day by day. You learn so much about your body how everything affects it and how important it is to take care of yourself``
Through this week, I have had many conversations with Mike about diets and how certain types of food can have such a big impact on how you feel. He says it is crucial for him to pay more attention to what you put into your body and how it handles it. Living with HIV is a lot about learning boundaries, when to say when. You have to respect the boundaries of the medication and respect the boundaries of your body. Getting enough sleep, eating right, not drinking or doing street drugs are all an important part of staying healthy.
“Living in a country that ARVs are accessible to everyone is privilege, not a right. You learn how to handle your medication and make sure you are taking everything at the right time. There are people who are on ARV’s, who also do street drugs. It is impossible to imagine what is going on with your body already with HIV. Then adding a combative medication on top of all of the drugs, it’s very risky. There are people in Africa who are dying because they do not have that the medication, and there are people in Canada, who throw the medication away or take it for granted.”
“Coming from a person who is HIV positive, there is a lot of support for people living with HIV in Ontario. There is a lot of social support readily available for HIV and AIDS patients. However, the emotional support is hard to get. It is there, but it is backlogged. It can take up to two years to get in contact with a psychiatrist. There are group sessions available; however you have to feel comfortable talking about your problem in front of a group of people who may not respect your confidentiality.”
Michael’s story is one of many but he has chosen to deal with his situation in a positive way and forget about the “what ifs.”
I asked him about when he told his parent he had HIV. He paused for a second and then looked me in the eye and said that it was the worst moment of his life. If he had his time back, he said he probably wouldn’t have told them in the same way. When you are emotional about something that makes other people emotional and it just didn’t go well. He said that was the way it was with his parents. He was still very emotional about his status at the time, which made everything a lot more complicated when dealing with telling his parents. Everybody deals with things their own way and dealing with family dysfunction can complicate how you present your own situation and how, and if you get support from them. He always has had his grandmother though.
“At 97 years old she asked questions about AIDS like you wouldn’t believe!”
Michael has always had strong relationship with his grandmother, she never turned her back on him, not when he told his family he was gay and not when he told his family he was HIV positive. That is why when she was dying he was by her side.
Through all of this, Michael is an incredibly happy and energetic person. He spent the whole day making us laugh.
“Your brain controls your body and your state of mind makes a difference to you and everyone around you. You can choose to give up or you can choose to fight back.”
Mike told me stories about how when people get tired of living this way, they give up their fight.
“What you think about you create. There is nobody to say which is the right decision, nobody has the right to say you need to keep fighting. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with things; it’s about keeping a positive attitude, remembering that there is still something to laugh about even if it could be your last breath. You still have a choice. My character right now is what it was when I went through cancer.”
“Everybody knows the old saying when one door closes another one opens. This is not always true for AIDS patients. You have to be persistent; you have to fight back.”
Michael has taught me how important it is to hold you head high and find the best of every situation. He explained to me, that, it didn’t matter if this was his fate; he wanted to leave the world with a happy, energetic spirit. No matter what tried to get him down, he would not leave the world a bitter spirit. This is quite a statement coming from a guy who has dealt with all the medical problems he has had, not to mention all the friends he has seen pass away.
“For those that have a bad attitude, I am here to say that there is life after AIDS,” and he has certainly proved that. Michael spends a lot of time volunteering and helping out various HIV societies all over the city of Toronto.
“There are many organisations that are there to help make the battle a little bit easier and if I can help then I want to.”
I had the opportunity to visit one of these places two years ago at the end of the 2006 World AIDS Conference. Casey House is a respite care facility for HIV positive people who require care while they are ill or dying. Michael spent his time battling cancer at Casey house.
“They had everything organised for me, all I had to do was get better. It is a fabulous safe haven for anyone who needs the support while they are dealing with medical issues. I am happy they were there for me.”
I will never forget this day, I learned so much from Michael. He taught me that although you may not be in charge of what the world brings to you, you are in charge of what you do with it. This is a story of courage, persistence and life. Through a hip replacement, two cancers, and 25 years of HIV nothing can get him down. Michael Kyte is a tenacious person who is full of personality and a person I am now lucky enough to call my friend.
