Carol Vautour describes the loss of her child as "like being on an ocean and a storm brews and you just keep getting sucked under by these big waves."
That's why the grieving mother started a North Bay chapter of "The Compassionate Friends" nine months ago after her 24-year-old son Brad died in Aug. of 2017 of diabetic ketoacidosis, caused by extremely high blood sugar.
"It was 498 days ago today," she tells BayToday as if every day is a painful endurance. "It's terrible. Every day we wake up and it's real again. It's a daily struggle. The emotions are random and there's no stopping them. We all struggle," she says of group members.
Vautour looked for relief online, but it wasn't enough, that's when she started the group.
"I couldn't do it alone. I needed a peer support system and there wasn't one in town."
She was surprised at the response, as right away with 25 members joined from North Bay and area.
"Members all share. This is a life we don't want to live. Not a lot of people, luckily understand about the effects of child loss."
The meetings are highly emotional. "There is always crying, but generally lots of laughter as well," she adds.
"Discussion revolves around how each other is doing emotionally, how life has been going for us, our struggles. We talk about anniversaries or special occasions and how we are going to handle them, like with Christmas coming up. We talk about our kids and how they made us smile, how they made us proud, and how much we miss them."
Vautour is the facilitator of the North Bay chapter of the Compassionate Friends, which host a candle lighting ceremony on Sunday at SugarDaddy Cupcakes.
"This ceremony is to acknowledge our grief, courage, memory, hope and finally love for our deceased children, and to remember the love they gave us in the short time they spent with us. This is a very special ceremony, our first annual, but has been going on worldwide for over 40 years."
The group welcomes parents that have lost a child by any method, and is non-denominational and not for profit.
"Any child, any age, regardless of the cause of death or length of time it's been are welcome. It's been very healing for me as well as other members. When you experience it, it's so hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. The wave of emotions, the absolute crashes that you have for what appears to be no reason, right out of the blue. It's definitely an emotional roller coaster."
The group meets on first Monday of the month.
You can learn more by contacting Carol Vautour, Brad's mom at (705) 223-6362 or email [email protected].
