We are a Sorry Lot

Canadians have a reputation for being overly polite, a trait that is very useful in some situations, very annoying in others. In the now venerable TV show Due South, our Canadian Mountie upset the whole Chicago scene by holding doors for people, offering old folk and women chairs and apologizing for the most minor of offences. The American people working with the constable found his politeness quaint at first but this soon wore off and saying ‘sorry’ became very annoying. It was almost as bad as saying ‘eh’, eh?

In the pre-Christmas rush, one only has to push a shopping cart in front of another shopper to have them say ‘sorry’. The fault may be yours, but the other Canadian will apologize. Motoring down a sidewalk at the pace of a quick snail with your walker requiring someone has to step around you to get to the coffee shop ahead of you, and you automatically say, ‘sorry’ for being so slow and taking up a full half of the narrow sidewalk.

It is simple to tell if the person offending you by being almost in your way has been to a school of higher learning, for they will say ‘excuse me’ or even ‘I beg your pardon’ instead of using the old stand-by of ‘sorry’. It may be part of our British heritage, for Aussies will say, ‘sorry, mate’ while you can occasionally run into an English person who says ‘sorry, old chap’.

However, saying sorry can have its place. Spilling your coffee on Aunt Bertha’s Persian wool rug and saying ‘sorry’ is very apropos. Opening your car door too quickly and thus striking the officer’s leg is a good time to say ‘sorry’ but it may not buy you some leniency for exceeding the 40 km speed limit on the now person-less Memorial Drive.

It is also enough, it seems, even beneficial, to say you are sorry for the numerous screw-ups by your staff if you happen to be the Chief Coroner in Ontario. If your head pathologist ruins many lives by his incorrect findings, wrongfully sending a number of people to jail, a ‘sorry about that’ will settle everything. That his own sorry butt should be stuck behind bars as a lesson to other bureaucrats will never cross the mind of that high-ranking public servant. Make a few lame excuses, say you are sorry and the books are closed.

Perhaps all of our ‘sorry’-saying is a good preparation for the off chance that we have to appear in a court of law to explain some misdeed. Take for instance, the young person who has broken into a home and is caught with the goods: saying ‘sorry’ to the Judge will get you probation. This and a sincere promise not to do it again, along with $1.74 will get you a café latté and a trip through the revolving doors at the courthouse. This can be repeated until the judge recognizes you and then you must give the same sorry story and the promise to a social worker or a court-assigned psychologist. A contrite facial expression will also help plead your case. For examples of contrite expressions, study those of the Chief Coroner.

Getting probation is of course, much easier than getting parole. You still have to say you are sorry, but you also have to convince a panel of would-be social workers that you are sincere. Sorry, that is unfair; some of the parole board members may be political appointees, or even worse, do-gooders. Parole is for those who have served time for their misdeed(s) and is seen as a way to easing these former criminals back into society. For those who have genuinely seen the error of their ways and realize that what they did was wrong, the parole system is a good thing. Unfortunately, it seems that too often the parole board makes grievous errors.

How many examples of repeat sex offenders must we tolerate before the system is corrected? A very stern order forbidding pedophiles from being near children, along with the offender’s ‘sorry’ is apparently not enough to stop some of these people. Sorry, animals. Like any predator, these critters are smart and cunning. If they can deceive the parole panel, how hard will it be to fool some unsuspecting parent or grandparent into trusting you with their children? Have we been so conditioned into thinking that all these ‘sorry’ utterances are sincere that we will believe anyone who says they are sorry?

And yet, sometimes it is too much to have to say ‘sorry’ to a parole board. Latimer, who felt that he was pushed into a heinous act of mercy by a social and health system that failed him, refused to say he was sorry for what he did. Right or wrong in other people’s minds, he said, given the same circumstances, he would do it again. The parole board has three simple conditions for granting this man a day-parole. He met the first two conditions but refused to say he was sorry because he was not. Would those who would take away this man’s life been satisfied to have him lie and say that he was sorry?

Perhaps it is unfortunate that Latimer did not have some previous trouble with the law. He might have learned, as a juvenile, to say ‘sorry’ and beat the system. As it stands now, Latimer will spend the rest of his life in jail, because no matter that he will be eligible for parole in two years, he will never get it. He will not lie and say he is ‘sorry’ and thus never meet that third condition for release. Will our sorry society rest better at night knowing that this man is behind bars while a multitude of sexual predators, murderers and thieves are free because they said ‘sorry’?