Talking to Squirrels (week 6)

The return to full-time campaigning began in earnest on the first day of this week. The two leaders of the black squirrels, Paul and Stephen, were chasing each other up and down the trees, chittering all the time. Jack, the red squirrel, got into the act and would chase one and then the other the moment they stopped on a limb to spread their message. The message seemed to change from the dire warnings of imminent danger to the feeding call.

Understandably, the rest of the squirrels and birds soon paid the three excited squirrels little attention and focussed on getting some sunflower seeds and suet at the feeders. I think it was the same young squirrel who was confused last week about the Income Trusts who now asked what Paul meant about balanced budgets. I went directly to the acorn analogy, telling her that in Paul’s system, they collected just the right number of acorns each year to last through until the end of March when the snow melts. If they had just the right number, it was a balanced collection of acorns, or a balanced budget.

But, she asked, if they always have acorns left over, then it is not a balanced but, right? Well, I said, I suppose so. I guess they only consider it not balanced if they run out of acorns before the end of March. Without saying so, I thought that explained how my wife balanced her chequebook.

Tuesday, a pair of mourning doves came to the feeder, looking for tidbits dropped on the ground by the chickadees. Immediately a discussion broke out about whether the two new birds should be allowed at the feeder without making some kind of donation. One of the black squirrels took a run at the new doves, thinking it would fly off like the pigeons do, but the dove stood its ground and the squirrel came to a skidding stop in the snow. I settled the whole issue by saying no to any head-tax and went inside to the tub of cracked corn and seed mixture I kept for the juncos. The doves thought this very acceptable and said they would be back on Wednesday, maybe bringing their family with them.

Wednesday, the chatter was all about health care again. This time, all the leaders were promising to fly any sick critter to wherever they needed to go for immediate care. I suspected they got this idea from their cousins, the flying squirrels. However, from what I have seen of the other squirrels’ ability to leap great distances through space, this could be fraught with danger. It was like expecting seriously sick people to get on an airplane and be subjected not only to a bumpy ride and changing barometric pressure, but also airline snacks. Which on second thought, looked a lot like my squirrel feed. It even tasted the same. I did not dare bring up the rumour that our landing strip might be shortened. Maybe they plan to use only helicopters for the medi-vac system.

Although I missed them, the redpolls had been back doing another of their surveys. The chatter at the feeder Friday morning was how Stephen was now ahead of Paul in the popularity contest. There may have been some truth in the birds’ survey as I saw Stephen hopping across the now-frozen creek to the east. He and Gilles, the grey squirrel, were chatting about something. When Jack the red squirrel joined them, I thought something was up. Maybe they were planning their strategy for the debates next week.

I noticed some unusual markings in the fresh snow this morning. It looked like a circle with hieroglyphs inscribed inside. I immediately thought of the mysterious crop circles, but then I identified squirrel tracks leading to and from the markings. It was only when a squirrel hopped over to the mark, looked at it, and then peed on it, that I realized it was an election sign. I yelled at him, but it was too late, as he scampered up a balsam and out of sight. Maybe we do need a law and order platform. A little education would not hurt, either.