Talking to Squirrels (week 5)

It may have been the Christmas over-feeding that was keeping activity around the feeder on a happier note the first days of the week, but birds and squirrels were being quite sociable. The chunks of pineapple core were a big hit until the temperature dropped, turning the pieces into pineapple popsicles.

The redpolls came around to announce that their recent survey showed a slight gain for Stephen, the Conservative black squirrel. My hand-held calculator showed that their figures were still within the range of the probability of error, so I paid little attention to the feathered gossipers. However, when one of them told the chickadees that only Paul or Stephen could win, I went indoors to my computer to check the math on the number and distribution of seats. Mathematically, Gilles, the Bloc grey squirrel, could not win. But the red squirrels could.

“Jack,” I asked the NDP squirrel, “Did you ever consider that you might end up forming the next government? If Paul, Stephen and Gilles keep fighting over who is going to win in Gilles territory, they may turn everyone off and you might get more votes.”

“Yes, we have been thinking along those lines,” he said. “In fact, this possibility may finally get their attention and they might consider proportional representation for the next election.”

I remembered how Gym the chipmunk had tried to explain that system last summer and it did make more sense now. With the fracturing of the old black squirrel parties, it appears as if we might be in for a number of minority governments. Perhaps under proportional representation we might have a parliament that would be functional for a fixed term of four years. Jack said if he won enough seats, he would present this idea for election reform.

As Jack stuffed a second peanut into his cheeks, he said, “At least that will take care of the Strategic Voting that one my former friends was recommending.” I agreed, thinking that it would make things easier for me, too, as I was trying to place my support. It would be better to have a first and second choice rather than ‘none of the above’ that I was currently considering as my option.

I told Jack that did not hold with the Strategic Voting idea. To vote for a party whose ideals do not align with your own, seems scurrilous somehow. Why should Paul, the Liberal black squirrel, tell the pigeons a vote for Jack’s party is like giving a vote to Stephen, the Conservative black squirrel? It reminded me of that old false dichotomy of the Eagle, when he said you are either for me or against me. Which simply was not true. In that case, I thought his whole argument was false and did not agree with either position.

I could see that the pigeons and woodpeckers thought Paul’s ideas were not all wrong; it was just that they did not believe him anymore. If the other squirrels could put forth some good ideas, why not vote for them? Vote for something not against something. I suggested to them all that they ought to change their strategy for the remaining weeks, focusing on the positive.

Thursday morning one of the younger squirrels asked me why the candidate squirrels were arguing about Income Trusts, something she had never heard of. My explanation of income trusts, that they were simply a legalized theft of money from greedy people by people who risked other people’s money for their own gain, drew a blank stare. Trying an analogy, I said it was like the nuthatches that took pieces of suet and hid it under the bark of a tree. They think they are saving something for their future meal, but more often than not, a chickadee or downy woodpecker will find their cache and eat it.

“Okay,” the squirrel said, “I get that, but what has that got to do with Paul’s friend, Goody?” I replied that maybe Goody told some of his friends where some young squirrels had hidden some acorns last fall and they dug them up and ate them. “Damn,” she said, “I better go check my cache!” and she headed off to dig in the snow behind the tool shed. This got me wondering how my RRSP was doing so I made a note to call my bank after the New Year. Maybe my fund manager had been one of the lucky ones to hear from Goody.

Friday morning dawned bright and clear. The squirrels, after their morning snack, all found perches in the sunshine and were more interested in absorbing some rays than talking politics. For a week that was supposed to be free of campaigning, it had been very eventful.