Shake

I shook hands the other day with a fellow I know and he caught me by surprise. I guess he must think he is the alpha male, and perhaps in his circle of friends, he is, but I am not of that group. Maybe he was trying to expand his herd or something, but this display of testosterone run amok made me wonder if I had missed his scent or pee-markings.

There are a number of ways of greeting people, from cheek kissing to bowing to shaking hands. In our neck of the woods, shaking hands has been the traditional greeting for years. I suppose it goes back to our Western European heritage when in days of yore the knights offered their open fighting hand as a sign of friendship. This handshake later became a man’s bond and given with his word, was enough to agree to conduct business upon mutual terms. I suppose that may still be true in some cases today, but most often it is the lawyer with whom you have to shake hands, and knowing lawyers, you had better watch his other hand lest it worm its way into your pocket.

In fact, it was the other hand, the left hand that we Scouters used to greet each other. Lord Baden Powell started the tradition as a sign that Scouts were not only prepared, but openly ready to help anyone in need. Back in those days of yore when handshaking with the weapon hand, some scoundrels decided that if they could not have their trusty sword in their right hand when greeting a stranger, it would be advisable to have a dirk concealed in their left hand. Powell decided that in Scouting there would be no such deception.

In business, the handshake is common but now with many women in the upper ranks where a handshake is normal, men must be aware that some women’s hands are smaller and they may not find a hardy handshake comfortable. The same may be said about smaller men, but it seems they just have to take their knocks when greeting a large wannabe alpha male. I am not sure if women greeting women do the alpha female thing or not. Perhaps they do the beta handshake.

There is nothing like shaking the hand of a wimp who will not give a little effort to use a few muscles in gripping your hand. The saying ‘get a grip’ may have come from a meeting of a toughened cowboy meeting a city dude and the resulting handshake. I think it now means that you ought to do a reality check on your thinking, but with all the so-called reality shows on television, that may no longer apply.

In tai chi we do an exercise called ‘push hands’. While not a greeting, it is the example of what a good handshake should be. In push hands, the objective is to put just enough pressure on the hands so that you and your partner stay in balance, each feeding off the other’s energy, working together in harmony. Unless you are a wannabee alpha male, this is how you ought to greet your acquaintances.

There are secret handshakes and you have to be careful when meeting a Mason so that you do not accidentally grasp their hand the wrong way. A simple mistake like that could have you branded as a Knight Templar and Brown’s Demons could be hot on your trail, seeking the grail! Of course there are the complex routines that some people go through, touching fingers, palms, knuckles while making with the jive talk, but if you do not know the routine you could pull your back trying to keep up.

Then there are the handshakes that are not meant in greeting. These are grips that come from the martial arts, grips that are meant to disarm you. The ‘short’ grip that grasps only the fingers, not the palm can exert tremendous pressure on the finger knuckles, while the ‘thumb’ grip grasps the opponent’s thumb and bends it out of shape. If you are a master with a nimble thumb of your own and can find the nerve in the back of your friend’s hand, you can bring tears to his eyes. But these are not the handshakes of friends or acquaintances.

Nonetheless, the next time I meet that fellow I mentioned, I will be more prepared for his grip. I may not be an Alpha, but I think I can take him! Of course, in this day and age when colds and flu can be spread from hand to hand, one should apply some of that antiseptic spray right after shaking hands. Especially after greeting a politician.