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Opinion: Bill Walton, Don’t axe the tax

If you understand the Carbon Rebate, skip to the end of this article

I have been working under covers – literally – because they have cameras everywhere. Digging into another Ad Scam or ArrivCAN fiasco can be dangerous because these application creators have connections with the Liberals. You know what I mean. And I think I am onto something with the Axe the Tax thingy.

It began innocently enough with my curious brother asking me how much I was going to get in the Refund or Tax Back or Carbon Rebate scheme that Justin touts whenever he is not ducking some other communications issue in Ottawa or even in some remote town where he is handing out cash for houses, tents, or funding for studies on the decline of the black-bellied hooded merganser. Yeah, who knew?

The scheme, I soon discovered, is based on how much carbon pollution I emit that is caused by any industry that I have commerce with, and the amount of carbon dioxide they emit while they are producing the goods or services which they sell to me and other unwitting Canadians. The underlying premise here is that is not my fault that Shell Oil sells petrol that contaminates the air we (and the rest of the world) breathe. (Full disclosure: I use Esso regular).

Nor is it my fault that the diesel trucks bringing my food to the store cause pollution, so although it is easier to take my money (an old fellow with a cane) than to get it from some tough young truck driver who may not even understand supply and demand economics nor the Highway Traffic Act, Justin borrows my money, promising to give me more back than he took. Could this be a Pyramid scheme? This would be a first for the Liberals, I thought, but then I tried to do the math. Even interest accrual doesn’t make the math work.

I presumed I was in the 80% of the population who are the beneficiaries of this largess. Aren’t we all? The non-participating Canadians all reside in Alberta in case you were wondering. And they too could benefit if they voted Liberal in the next election. Just saying.

So, what this app purports to do is track (X) how much carbon (C and CO2 and CH3CH2OH) I consume and emit (CH4 and CO2) multiplied by the mean difference of the carbon captured and emitted (C-E) by the companies that produced or handled the stuff I bought before I ate, drank, or wore it; and the cost per tonne penalty (Y) they paid until they cut their emissions. That seems simple enough that it could be formulated into an app. Let us call this APP1.

App2 is very simple as it is the measurement of the CO2 in the atmosphere over various parts of Canada calculated on a yearly average since the Kyoto Accord plus a factor of .034 for the Paris Climate Agreement equals (V). The air sampling devices were moved in 2021 from urban to rural locations to get more favourable readings, however, the forest fires in 2023 screwed that as the result was V2. The algebraic symbol V should not be confused with the wind direction (v-d*t), the variable that uses the jet stream (J) to measure the time foreign particulates are over Canada.

App3 calculates the overhead (the cost of the program including public servants hired, the initial cost of the apps (quoted at $90,000 each), advertising, speech writers, CRA and Bank of Canada employees, apps overrun costs, the TSE daily index divided by the cost-of-living factor, and more overrun costs. Let the result be (Z). This algebraic symbol has no relationship to the letter painted on Russian tanks invading Ukraine.

App4, and this is my favourite, tracks the amount of carbon by individuals (app1). Large families consume and emit more carbon, so they pay more and get more back in this wealth redistribution program.  This is done by CCTV cameras in stores, data from our credit cards, Stats Can personal information, your bank balance(s), time out of country (a deduction if your trip was to Iceland or Ireland – don’t ask) or a surcharge if you travelled by WestJet not Air Canada (no need to ask), the number of months employed and income tax deducted, type of vehicle driven (credit for EVs), and your age. This app requires constant tweaking each time you fill up your vehicle (A).

And there you have it. With four simple apps, the government will calculate your carbon tax rebate, and eight times out of ten, it will be a positive result (R) that exceeds the amount of carbon taxes you paid. That may turn out to be six times out of ten but who knows? The Rebate (R) will be deposited in your bank account or if Justin runs out of money, it will appear as a tax credit on your next CRA offering. Justin has promised this, and we know how he keeps his promises.

Now you can see why I have confidence in the Carbon Rebate programme. The sun is shining, a fresh northern is blowing, the no-confidence vote has failed to axe the tax, and the government is sending me some of your money. It just doesn’t get any better.

Bill Walton

About the Author: Bill Walton

Retired from City of North Bay in 2000. Writer, poet, columnist
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