Air Golf

Travelling by air is an everyday, common adventure untaken by millions of people. It is usually the quickest way between two distant points and is accomplished in an atmosphere of safety, if not convenience. Travel by airplane is expensive and one used to be able to console the thinning of one’s wallet with the service and comfort afforded to long distance travel. Air Canada is working diligently to end that.

As airlines around the world face rising costs, they are trying to cut costs, replacing the human interface with computer screens. In fact, travellers are penalized if they want to use an agent rather than a computer to book tickets or find a semi-comfortable seat. If you can check in at Pearson using the ‘express’ check in system, you are ushered through the lines more quickly. Of course, you have to drag your bags from pillar to post in the guise of security, but really, it saves the airline hiring someone to move them for you.

Eight of us recently went to the Nanaimo area for a golf holiday. In years past, we could find a seat sale to ease the pain of the ticket price, but those days are past unless you want to fill empty seats at Air Canada’s convenience on flights with impossible connections. So this year we decided to save over $300 each and drive to Toronto for our flight west. The midnight flight and early morning shuttle lost some business, but Jazz would not miss a couple of thousand dollars.

The first hint of trouble came when one of our group noticed that the aircraft assignment had been changed. Booking his seat the night before departure, (Air Canada wants you to use your computer) he found it had been changed when he arrived at the check-in at Pearson. Overbooking required a larger aircraft. As we sat in the departure lounge, three men in white coveralls proceeded to remove the nose cone from the 767. The radar had been reported as non-operational. Boarding on time, we sat for an hour while the men in white tinkered with the radar.

Our short connection time in Vancouver for the Nanaimo flight began to worry us. Could we, and our bags, make it? The pilot assured us he could make up half an hour and connecting flights would hold for us. We had a tee-off time that afternoon.

Air Canada no longer offers a complimentary meal, instead the common folk in economy must bring a sandwich aboard or buy a stale one from the stewards. They still offer half glasses of complimentary cold drinks. In the hope of a pleasant holiday, we all acquiesced, bought our lunch and squirmed in the little seats designed by Mr Boeing. What is four hours of discomfort in the face off hitting the golf ball around beautiful BC courses? Make that five hours, to include the radar repair time.

The first hint of trouble was when the steward announced that we should remain seated in Vancouver to allow passengers going to Osaka, Tokyo and Seoul to exit first as their aircraft were holding for them. No mention of them holding the Nanaimo flight. We were assured of seats on the next flight, 2 hours later and the gate personnel said they would phone Nanaimo to alert the hotel shuttle to wait for us. They never did. Oh well, it might have been a close thing to get our bags off the other flight and onto the Jazz so we had a beer in the lounge and waited.
Somehow, I was not too surprised when only four of the eight golf bags arrived in Nanaimo. I jokingly said they had likely gone to Osaka. The airport staff said they would surely be on the next flight as the baggage hold was too full on our flight. They would deliver the clubs to Parksville that evening. We four filled out the lost luggage forms. The computer was down at the airport so we did this with an old-fashioned pencil.

We decided that those without clubs could play air golf that afternoon but could not record any birdies. Rental clubs. Yikes. That evening, no golf clubs arrived so we phoned Air Canada. Our clubs had not been reported missing in their system, said a lady from some call centre. Please be patient. We patiently, one after the other, went through the whole process of recording lost luggage again, this time over a telephone to someone who was obviously using a computer screen to prompt the questions. Black nylon bag, large, full of golf clubs, lost were the four characteristics she got from all of us.

The next day we rented Callaway clubs at $40 and played golf. No clubs again that night. Please be patient, said Air Canada, now with an Indian accent. Four club-less golfers were now looking at rental costs plus the prospect of never seeing their favourite golfing tools again. We were missing golf shoes, rain suits, balls, jackets and gloves – all in our lost luggage. Please be patient on day two, our clubs and tags are not in the system.

In the age of increased security, one wonders how four bags could get on another airplane without their owners. Were they not scanned as they were loaded? That might have also explained why two bags marked YXE (Saskatoon) were endlessly circling on the belt at Nanaimo, YCD. Maybe our golf bags had caught the held flight to Saskatoon in their place. I jokingly hung onto my Osaka theory.

Another day of rental clubs, this time not Callaway’s, but a little cheaper to rent. No birdies with them either, but better than air golf. That afternoon we phoned again – sorry they could not find our clubs, be patient. We began talking about driving to Carolina for next year’s golf. Stories of others who had lost baggage made the rounds. At 9 o’clock that night the front desk called to say our clubs had arrived. All evidence of their travels had been removed by diligent Air Canada employees. All except a little sticker on my bag that said ‘Security inspected by JAL’. Our clubs had been to KIX, Osaka. One can easily see how the ground crew could mistake KIX with YCD.

We wanted to confirm their trip so we could make a claim to Air Canada for the rental costs, the pain and suffering and extreme separation anxiety, so we called and asked if they had found our clubs. Yes, the lady said, and they would be delivered the next day according to her reliable computer. She could not reveal where they found the clubs, but Air Canada was sorry for the delay.

The joke about Air Canada’s motto of “If you are happy, we are not” may be a little extreme, but those people on the WestJet ads do look happier. With the ever-shorter driving time to Toronto, it may not be too long before Air Canada drops the North Bay flight in any case, so we may look at flying with their competitor. At least WestJet still serves you a candy to reduce the air pressure in your ears (Air Canada saves over a $100,000 a year by not offering the candy!).

Although with the rising value of the Loonie, we may just give up BC golf and drive south. Or we could wait for warmer weather here at home and play a little air golf until the grass greens.

Now, about that $75 that I feel Air Canada owes me…