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Letter: What is your life trigger?

'As an addiction councillor, my past life experiences have moulded and shaped me. Once long ago I could look at strung-out addicts, dead bodies, and those who will die with an ice-cold heart, allowing me to do my job and not allow fear, desperation, and hopelessness to enter my mind. Unfortunately, it enters something deeper within yourself, entering your subconscious and dreams'
lots of question marks

To the editor:

Have you ever teared up as you're at the wheel driving somewhere you need to be? What instigates the emotional response in you? Music has always been that trigger that brings my history, emotions, and personal loss together into a flash blitz of confusion and needed silence.

As I get older I listen to the lyrics of songs that were once backdrop sounds of enjoyment. Many musicians are wonderful poets, and their creativity at times touches my very soul. So here I am driving the car for business or pleasure and a song comes on, a song that my dad, brother, and friend loved. You cannot help but think of the person you identify with in that song. Music touches your emotional response, a loved one's face enters your mind's eye and bam, you lose it.

There are many triggers that every one of us needs to deal with.

My Mother cries when she sees a lamb, reminding her of her mother's love of the farm they lived on. My Brother John's emotional challenge was the sound of a motorbike, remembering some of his friends(fellow bikers) who have died or suffered in accidents. Every time I see the depiction of a child being abused or how someone in need is ignored, I look away from those I am sitting with and concentrate on something allowing me to control my hormone-induced emotions.

As an addiction councillor, my past life experiences have moulded and shaped me. Once long ago I could look at strung-out addicts, dead bodies, and those who will die(sometimes I needed to hold their hand while it happened) with an ice-cold heart, allowing me to do my job and not allow fear, desperation, and hopelessness to enter my mind. Unfortunately, it enters something deeper within yourself, entering your subconscious and dreams.

One of my sister's triggers is a cold glass of chocolate milk, which our father served us each morning. These triggers seem to have the ability to connect mind-soul-life hopes in a way we could understand.

The past never leaves us, and what has happened to us, has and will always shape our lives dreams, hopes, and fears. When I see a young man walking towards me at night, the hairs on my neck trigger an emotional response, reminding me of the two times I was mugged, and one time beaten badly. I hope and believe all people have good within them, and that they mean no harm to me, but a defense mode within my brain is switched on. 

I have found the necessary tools to deal with my emotional, historic and family concerns.

Talking to someone you trust, a religious counsellor or therapist if needed. When you lose someone, you lose much more than that person. Perhaps that person provided you, with trust, protection, hope, and love. Their very presence could and often did make your day. Now that feeling was gone, and while it could take years to show itself, this loose must be dealt with honestly and courageously.  

Oh yeah, every time I walk into a home that has the smell of chicken paprikash, banana bread, or a lovely soup I think of my mother(still with us) and mother-in-law. I breathe in deeply and bless myself for the gift, of knowing these wonderful people.

Self-knowledge and hard work are all the things you need to discover why, what, and how you are the person you are.

Steven Kaszab

Bradford, Ontario