Resolutions Intact

More than a week into 2005 and no resolutions broken! In the annual attempt to clean up my lifestyle, improve my health and do much better at any given number of things, I made a list of resolutions. Being of an age when many of the foolish thoughts of my youth are no longer temptations, it is still easy to make a few corrections.

I enjoy a glass of wine, but in an effort to cut back a little, I decided to do it country by country. This will reduce the many options of purchasing fine wines when I wander through the aisles on Algonquin Avenue, looking first for quality and then price. I gave up making my own wine many years ago, one of my better New Year’s resolutions. This was just after a close friend told me that life was too short to drink poor wine.

In 2005 I am dropping all red wines from Hungary and Italy, white wines from Germany and Chile. Those may look like easy choices, but I had to start somewhere. In fact, I just discovered an excellent Merlot from Australia. I can see that giving up French wines will be easy next year.

I also decided to refine my scotch drinking, not in quantity, for I know my limit, but in quality. I will drink no blended scotch whiskey this year. There is a price to pay for being a purist, but a wee drap of a single-malt ambrosia is worth a muckle more. Besides, a person needs some easy resolutions to temper the New Year oaths.

I admit to a weakness for truffles, so trying to cut back on sweets seemed a good idea. I will eat no truffle unless it comes from Belgium. I gave up Toberlone and those Terry Milk Chocolate Oranges last year with only small withdrawal symptoms a week before Christmas. I think with the help of my wife as the Chocolate Sceener, I can do this.

I made it all the way through 2004 without watching one, so I know I can refrain from the TV “Survivor” reality shows in 2005. Those shows are about as real as the afternoon soaps, in fact As the Stomach Turns is better. Okay so Martin Sheen isn’t the real President of the US – we could only hope. And when it comes to shows dealing with life philosophies, I prefer Red Green to Dr Phil. Maybe I shouldn’t be watching TV at all. Perhaps in 2006 I will resolve to give the remote control to my wife.

I vowed to not let the weeds in my flower beds get ahead of me this year. Last year I fought a losing battle and my neighbour was giving me looks of nervous despair as the weeds were marching towards her yard. I managed to put up a Siegfried Line of bark in September that was holding well. So far, things look promising on this front and I should be good until April.

I had a close call on a resolution last night as I drove down Algonquin Ave. I promised my wife I would not call the drivers who don’t know how to use the Turn Lanes on this unique section of North Bay streets ‘Effing Idiots’. I think most of these drivers got their licence shortly after we stopped saying Gee and Haw to our conveyances, but the one last night was too young. I guess she skipped that lesson in Driver Ed. Or perhaps the instructors at driving school don’t teach this unique driving skill in the hope that when their student goes to Toronto they will cause mayhem for the instructor’s in-laws.

Of course I have another choice saying consisting of a series of four-letter words reserved for our City Fathers as the two lanes north on Algonquin turns into one when people park in the traffic lane. I see some of our transit drivers using exactly the same words as they weave their behemoths around the illegally parked cars. I often wonder how long the City would tolerate parking on Lakeshore Drive if people ran into those stores for a few minutes. So far, no F words from me on Algonquin.

Forget that thought about the TV remote. My blood sugar must have been low.

In an effort to lower my golf handicap I resolved not to try to hit those shots out of impossible lies just a few inches off the edge of the fairway. I will invoke the unplayable lie rule. I will invoke the unplayable lie rule. I will invoke the unplayable lie rule. This one has been easy so far. I figure at least two strokes a round saved there. I was going to again try the ‘don’t swing so hard’ resolution from last year, but I just can not do it.

Evil cholesterol has forced me into making a tough resolution on cheese. Turn me loose at a cheese tray and there is no need to ask if I am a man or a mouse. This cholesterol thing is serious, doc says, so although I try the ameliorating effect of red wine with my cheese, I have resolved to eat no more mild cheddar, no more Roquefort and no more Brie. I knew I couldn’t drop the Camembert, so why make foolish resolutions?

Buffets are also bad for my cholesterol. This one has been tough, but I resolved to make not more than 3 trips to any buffet: one for soup or salad; one for the main course; and one for fruit / dessert. But I wonder if they would allow me to bring in my own dinner plate to the buffet … I hate eating off those little luncheon plates at dinner time. Similarly, I am determined not to order seconds on ‘all you can eat’ nights at Joey’s or Tek’s, even if it is fish.

I resolved not to start smoking, even when I get the faint whiff of a pipe burning an aromatic mixture that reminds me of days gone by. Since most of my friends are past the age when they hand out cigars, I have no temptations there. Chances are that they would never spring for a good Cuban anyway. The only other temptation is after a great meal when a few draws on a fine cigar used to satisfy some long-hidden urge for the smell of a campfire. I am resigned to settling for the cognac without the Cuban. Life is hard.

Finally, after being admonished by my wife to not get so upset at things political, I was forced into taking her suggestion to adopt Jasper Friendly Bear's saying. Jasper was a regular at the Dead Dog Café, one of the funnier shows on CBC radio. It is perhaps one of the better mantras I have found so I put it on my computer screen saver as a reminder. So far in 2005, it is working as well as my other resolutions. I offer it to you:
Stay Calm
Be Brave
Wait for the Signs

I expect the passing of the City budget will be a sign.