Having just returned from Turkey where my imaginative talents helped stage that phoney coup, I find my services are needed south of the border. Sorry about the deaths – this overthrowing of governments does get out of hand sometimes.
The political mess brewing south of the border needs a solution to Donald Trump. The Grand Ole Party boys in the backroom are thinking of throwing Don under the bus. The driver of that bus, one Hillary Clinton, may slam on the brakes though. She wants nothing more than to face the electorate against The Donald.
The bombastic Donald has ticked off just about everyone - Democrats and Republicans alike. It’s not Trump’s policies that have people confused about what kind of a President he would make because he has yet to disclose them. Or think about them. He mostly just bashes things about like a bull in a China shop – and The Donald assures us he knows about China. And bulls.
How did the GOP ever get into such a mess? The party of Lincoln, a rather thoughtful fellow whose only weakness was attending theatre plays, had attracted a rather hapless group of candidates this time. The Donald was able to shout them down in what were described as debates. Appealing to the fear of the other, a faltering economy (caused by trade deals he would never have signed), and a promise of better times and higher fences as he made America Great Again, The Donald was acclaimed at the convention as the man to beat Hillary.
Things began going downhill very quickly after that. With no fellow candidates to berate, he turned on the Muslim parents of a deceased veteran. Finally, Republicans began to wonder what kind of a Commander-in-Chief The Donald would be. Could he out-Twitter Putin? State your foreign policy in 140 characters or less, Donald.
When the hangover headache of the convention eased, the GOP realized what a mistake they had made. And so the back room boys are trying to find a solution. If they throw him out, who replaces him? Surely not one of the other candidates for clearly they were not up to the task. Any one of them would have no chance to defeat the hated Democrats.
Only because I have a couple of American friends who are Republicans am I offering my solution to the Donald problem. Who is the one person who’s debating skills kept Hillary on the run? Who was the chap whose face contorted into a forced smile as he backed Clinton for the Democratic nominee? You guessed it: Bernie Saunders.
Give it a minute. Some of Bernie’s platform planks were pretty far left, but some were definitely to the right, very close to Republican territory. The GOP needs to come back to reality and move more to the centre of the political spectrum. The saner heads in the party know this. Following Bernie for four years might be a good place to start.
My next dream project will be how to get Wynne out of office - we can’t afford to wait until her term is up. The Province of Ontario will be into double bankruptcy by then. The usual move is to promote the person to a seemingly better job. Something that would appeal to her ego . . . Canada isn’t big enough. Too bad she doesn’t have dual citizenship – she could be Bernie’s running mate. Think of it, Kathleen – Vice President! (And Bernie is getting on in years). All we have to do is find those people who make false passports and new identities. What is Jason Bourne’s number?
In the meantime, your agent provocateur is heading for the golf course.
