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OPINION: Bill Walton, Excuses

I swear to tell the truth as I remember it now
20170914 pinno walton

I have to thank the Premier for adding to my list of excuses. I suppose it is her experience in answering questions from the floor at Queen’s Park but she knew how to dress up an excuse without it not actually being a bald-face lie. I don’t know if I can say that any longer without being politically incorrect: that is to say, some people are quite sensitive about their hair loss and you don’t want to offend anyone. But I digress.

The Queen Bee’s performance on the stand at the Sudbury trial for election fraud by her henchdrones was very good. Not once did she have to defend electricity prices, gas plants, or selling off Hydro One. You have to give her credit for endurance as she stood for her whole testimony and cross-examination. I even give her credit for finding Sudbury, away up here in Northern Ontario, but maybe a staff member made the flight arrangements. But what I liked most was the fact that I can now use those answers to the lawyers for my replies to my wife.

Why did you buy those chocolate chip cookies? They weren’t on the list. But honey, there was no written instructions about what not to buy . . .

Look at the colour of my socks. How many times do I have to tell you not to mix the coloured with the white laundry? I do not recall that specific conversation. It must have been at least two years ago and I did not take notes. Maybe if you telephoned me the laundry instructions I could tape the conversation . . .

Okay, honey, I’m through vacuuming the floor – can I have a rum and Pepsi now?  I never offered you any reward. No, there was no promise of a promotion to dusting and definitely I did offer any monetary inducement.  That would have been a) unethical; b) illegal; c) stupid; or d) something the members opposite would do. And stop pouting – there was no offer of a consolation prize.

Honey, I take the Fifth, doesn’t work anymore. Where do you think you are? In Trumpland?

Did you leave the toilet seat up again? Did not. Did too. How many times do I have to . . . I do not recall having that conversation. Or I could simply say, I don’t remember, which might not be a little white lie because I seem to forget more things lately.

Did you remember to call your sister? Uh, well, there were no written instructions . . . and I do not recall what I was to say to keep her happy at the party level. Certainly she can bring her two co-workers, assistants or grandkids – whatever. Anything to keep her happy and in the family.

Of course there are times when everybody knows the answer to a question but you need to hedge a little or delay while you try to think of something more I intelligible than I don’t know. Especially when you have a lawyer like Fast Eddie asking the questions. As good as Eddie is with the third degree, Wynne was hardly hesitant with her well-rehearsed answers. Must be nice to be a politician and say I do not recall . . . sort of like they do after the election dust settles and they forget all their promises.

Oh well, the rascals will likely get away with their ‘irregularities’ as just party politics. Just saying.