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Blame it on El Nino

Squirrels in Midwestern and Eastern US are fatter this season due to El Nino warmth.
20151220 squirrel walton

After all these years I finally found the explanation for my annual weight gain in the fall. It is the El Nino effect. Okay, I may have to do some more research into the cause and effect in non-El Nino years, however I think the biologists studying the tree squirrels in US are right on the money with their analysis.

It seems the squirrels, and I am certain that it applies to the black, red and grey squirrels that frequent my ‘bird’ feeding station, have found that due to the warmer weather this late summer and fall, there is not only more food to find, but the nuts, berries and seeds are bigger, more plump and even better tasting than in normal years. The warmer days encourages the squirrels to be more active whereas in normal fall weather they tend to sit indoors, watch TV and complain about the cold. Much as I do.

Naturally, eating more puts on weight. Oak acorns or Hostess potato chips, it doesn’t matter. While this adding weight does not bode well for my ailments, the biologists claim that this is really good for the squirrels. This likely applies to the chipmunks, bears, racoons, beavers, muskrats and even some insects such as the wasps that built a nest under the porch late in August. Perhaps in the days before we had grocery stores that are open 24 / 7, we homo sapiens would have benefitted from an El Nino fall.

Harking back to those days of yore, it was no doubt a plan of mother nature to have the body store up a little additional fat to get the body through the bleak cold months of hibernation or confinement in the cave caused by snowdrifts. This was the theory I used as an excuse for Dr A. however he never bought it, telling me to exercise more and eat less. The weird thing is, I seemed to lose that extra weight by spring and return to my normal summer weight by the time the golf courses were ready.

The other interesting thing that the biologists noted about the squirrels, and I can only assume this applies to all other critters that put on fall weight, is that not only are they healthier, their improved condition encourages more successful sexual activity. I trust these bio-peeping toms have documented this phenomena and are not just speculating what happens in the squirrel bedrooms. In the words of our illustrious new leader’s father who famously said, “The government, or its biologists, have no business in the bedrooms of the nation or its squirrels.” Something like that.

It seems that in times of bounty we are destined to load up, not only on calories but anything we can get our hands on. Have a few extra dollars? Buy, buy, buy. See something ‘on sale’ get it and store it away for a rainy day. Yard sales and garage sales are excellent opportunities to get things we might need someday. Like a squirrel, we can hide it away and hope to remember where it is when we need it. It is the natural thing to do.

However, how does one explain that when times are tight some people still act like it was an El Nino year? I was wondering if those folk from Baylor U have any biologists on staff who are familiar with the habits of tree squirrels in the El Nino years? Maybe they could rationalize the squirrely behaviour  of why our council approved themselves a raise in what is certainly not a year of plenty in North Bay. Are they ‘fattening up’ for a winter of extra activity, more due diligence, more ABC meetings or just setting an example for the rest of us?

As for those fat squirrels in the US Northeast, remember there are still people out there who enjoy a squirrel pie. That El Nino feast may be your undoing.

 





Bill Walton

About the Author: Bill Walton

Retired from City of North Bay in 2000. Writer, poet, columnist
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