Although some families are opting for a small service, the Ontario Funeral Services Association suggests there could be as many as 5,000 memorial services waiting to be held from the past six weeks alone.
“I think it’s very stressful for the family because some of them have not even been able to go in and say goodbye if their loved one has been in a nursing home or hospital,” says Kelly Raney-Taylor, managing director of Raney Funeral Chapel Inc. in South River.
“Often, visitation in a funeral is supportive, with friends and family being there.”
Small funerals, with an officiant plus nine other people, are permitted under Ontario’s current emergency orders.
It was expected the restriction would be lifted Friday when the province announced the first stage of its three-phase plan to reopen the economy. That, however, did not happen.
Raney-Taylor believes funeral services will be one of the last services that will open up for large gatherings. She advises people who want a full service to wait until after social-distancing protocols are lifted.
“If it’s a year down the road, they’re still going to get that support. People will show up to celebrate a life. It’s important because it still helps with the grieving process.”
Whether or not people choose to have a formal service, Raney-Taylor says it’s important to have a gathering to remember and to mourn the loss of their loved one.
Of the families Richard Paul has seen during social distancing, half have opted for a delayed service or a second, larger service at a late date, says Paul, owner of A.M. Paul Funeral Home Limited in Powassan.
However, he has had several services during which the family did rotations of 10 people inside for visitation.
Paul says the physical senses, such as touch, smell, and sight, are important to know when people around us are alive, but also when they are gone.
“The concept of closure is really not closure on the relationship, but on the orientation of the relationship from one of a physical relationship to one based more on memory, love or spirit,” he says. “That’s where funeral activities help people move on.”
Paul says not having a service doesn’t stop families from coping with loss, but it does help.
“To me, it’s like someone having a serious cut and waiting for two or three months to put a bandage on it, he says. “You really don’t need the bandage; it’s healed. It may not have healed well, but it’s scarred over at least. And I think that’s true physically, but also true emotionally.
“But when people have to put off dealing with the death, it starts to sort of emotionally scar.”
What families need right now is support, Paul says.
“One of the biggest things people have told me they feel so frustrated by is they can’t give or receive a hug.”
Paul says there are more ways to show support than physical contact, suggesting calling, telling stories about their loved one or asking to pick up groceries are ways to show you are thinking of them during this difficult time.
With Canadian Press Files
