Teach them a lesson ... don't hit

Canadian Red Cross
News Release

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We all “lose our cool” or maybe we’ve “had it up to here!” with our kids, but physical violence is not the way to manage a child’s behaviour, says Brett Greene, a RespectED: Violence and Abuse Prevention coordinator with the North Bay branch of the Canadian Red Cross.

Parenting can be a tough job and when our lives become stressful, we may revert back to parenting the way we were brought up – spankings and all. “Because I said so!” is a phrase that many children vow they will never say to their own children, but lo and behold – it does come out of their mouths as the challenges of parenting become apparent. We may laugh when we think we have turned into our parents, but for some, that parenting consisted of harsh physical discipline.

“Today we know that this type of punishment can be abusive to children,” says Greene. “We know that it can leave an emotional as well as physical impact on a child.”

In attempting to assert our authority over our children with physical violence such as hitting, we are teaching our children that the biggest one wins, the one who hits the hardest wins, that violence is a tool to make others do what you want, and we should still love the one who hits us.

Is this what we want to teach our children? Are they imitating us with their siblings or on the playground with their peers? Are we teaching them bullying behaviours? Being a caring parent means we want to instil in our children a healthy self-esteem and trust in the adults caring for them.

“It’s hard to be a perfect parent,” says Greene.

“Especially when challenging or spirited children are part of your family.”

Education is the key to better parenting skills and there are numerous resources available to assist you. Just as we need to keep learning in our field of work, so do we as parents. We do this by setting boundaries, establishing consequences that are relevant to the child’s age and ability, and communication which is key to raising a child. We need a toolkit of discipline and positive ways to engage our children as they move through different ages and stages of development. What worked as an effective form of discipline at age six will not be as effective when they are eight or nine. The time to fill our toolbox is not when we need it most. We have to be ahead of the game and engage our children in the process so that they learn these important lessons. Have discussions on appropriate behaviour and ask for their input on what a consequence should be for not following that rule or expectation.

“If they know ahead of time, they are less likely to challenge the consequence,” says Greene.

“It’s hard to argue when you have had a hand in developing your own disciplinary action for breaking the rules.”

So, on April 30th, designated as “No Hitting Day”, and every other day of the year, remember that children are precious and we are not only raising them, but teaching them to be parents as well.

The Canadian Red Cross RespectED program offers adult workshops, training and on-line courses in the areas of child abuse and bullying. For more information please go to www.redcross.ca/respected.

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