I telephone my cousin George in Florida quite often and the conversations usually follow a pattern:
No, sir, I don’t believe in flood insurance. That river over there has never come over its banks in the last twenty or thirty years. There isn’t any truth in that global warming talk. Look what happened up north last winter!
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Those warnings about smoking tobacco are just government nonsense. You Canadians worry too much. Uncle Harry still smokes a pack a day and he’s going strong as ever at eighty-five.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Seat belts? Another Canadian idea. I never use them. I unhooked that damn annoying buzzer. I’m a good defensive driver and I’ll never have an accident. Besides, those belts are uncomfortable.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
I agree with Georgia: everybody should be carrying a gun. If those teachers in that school had been carrying a good old Colt or S&W, those crazies would never have dared go into the classroom.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Iraq? We ought to have just dropped the big A on them terrorists; blow them to smithereens. A little radiation would teach them all not to mess with us with their WMDs. Besides, we don’t need their oil.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
We aren’t running out of fossil fuels. That’s just the foreign car companies trying to get us to buy those tiny electric cars. I’ll drive my old V8 Ford half ton until the wheels fall off her. Besides, you got all that tar sands oil up there in Canada.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Nope, I didn’t buy any Obama health insurance. Never been in a hospital and don’t intend to go there. You look after yourself and you’ll be fine. As long as I take a shot of bourbon before bed every night, I’ll live to be ninety-five, just like Grandma South.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
I figure those freeway speed limits are just a suggestion. Why, with today’s technology, better tires and disc brakes, you’re perfectly safe at twenty or thirty over or whatever you have in the metric. Cops don’t bother you unless you’re weaving in and out of traffic.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
That weed spray doesn’t hurt anything except weeds, just like the labels says. I never saw a bird drop dead on my lawn yet. Besides, there are lots of birds and bees. You want me to send you a few cans?
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Frackin’? There is nothing wrong with frackin’. It’s just another way to get the gas and oil to the well head. All they’re doing is pumping a little water and stuff back into the ground where it came from in the first place.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
Fried food? I’ve been eating The Colonel’s chicken and Big Macs with fries as long as I can remember. And salt is good for you – we all need it. The Doc’s chart says my cholesterol level is a little high but that’s just those drug companies peddling pills.
How’s the weather down there, George
Bright and sunny this morning
But what about this evening
George, I just heard there was a tornado warning for your area
Naw, it’s bright and sunny here this morning
But what about this evening?
In God We Trust.
