Chameleons

With the weekend rumours that the Liberals were trying to recruit Conservative heavyweight David Orchard, it makes one wonder what it takes to be a Liberal. Not satisfied with luring away former pseudo-conservative featherweight Belinda Stronach, the Liberals are now searching the country for more conservatives to run as liberal candidates in the upcoming election. One wonders if the Liberals are truly looking for conservative ideas or just a couple of people to throw in the face of McKay, whom I suspect is their real target.

After their short honeymoon with the NDP this past summer, the Liberals realized that they were not compatible with true socialist politics. Dithering Paul may thought he could sway that fierce terrier Layton to stay by his heels, but the corporate tax cuts in the Liberals’ mini-budget ended the honeymoon.

Liberals, our chameleons of Canadian politics, will change colours at the drop of a writ. They will steal anyone’s platform but once elected, go back to their original colours. Like the little lizards, they change colours as fast as they make promises, only to revert to their true nature once back in office. Admittedly, the other politicians would most likely perform the same legerdemain given the chance.

Webster notes that the chameleon has eyes that can move independently of each other and this may be a real benefit for politicians of all colours. They can look at two cameras at once, being social-conservatives, red-Tory or blue-Grit at the same time. These eyes can read a room or riding at a glance and this ability aids the lizard in changing its colour to match promises to whatever the electors seem to want at that time.

Chameleons also have long, agile tongues to catch prey, or in the case of our politicians, to speak in many tongues without telling the truth in any. For instance, the parties are unable to agree on health care delivery to Canadians. While ordinary voters must suffer in long wait lines for service, the chameleons can leap from issue to issue without missing a step, or if they do stumble, can fall into a private clinic or the front of the line like a professional athlete or celebrity. Even the orange-coloured NDP chameleon is going to have to realize that our public health care system has to change.

One political pundit has remarked that the only Federal Liberals left in Quebec are the Conservatives. In Ontario, the Liberals change their colour to an off-blue in the hope of holding seats in the province that does pay attention to fiscal policy. In the Maritime provinces, the chameleons shift to an orange tint as they again promise social benefits, something Maritimers hold dear to their hearts. Forgetting the Prairie provinces, the Liberals take on a shade of green as they try to appeal to the BC environmentalist.

Locally, our Liberal member has turned a bright red on a diet of party line snacks. Whether he will turn a little orange on health care or blue on matters of fiscal policy will depend on the issues. The now blue Conservative contender will maintain his strong true-blue fiscal colours but may be swayed to adopt a little orange or pink on one of his pet projects, health care. The Orange and Green candidates will strangely be un-chameleon-like, keeping to their personal beliefs unless pressed by the Federal leader to adopt a shade of red or, unlikely, blue.

The problem with a winter election in Canada is that the candidates will all be wearing red Santa Claus suits when they come ‘a-knockin’ at our doors. We will have to look under the bright red suit to see their true colour. Under the coats, the men will be wearing their team tie with a dark suit; the women a neck scarf of red, blue, green or orange with a chameleon blazer. The accompanying elves will be wearing team toques.

If we were lucky enough to have an Independent run in our riding, he or she would likely be dressed in a winter coat of many colours. And perhaps that is what we need for a term or two, until the Liberals and Conservatives get their colour scheme sorted out. Maybe we need members who believe in what is best for the country and are willing to look beyond the tired party script. It would be good to see the balance of power in the next minority government held by Independents.

Voters, who also change colours for the sake of pollsters and media interviews, will be able to adorn their lawns with seasonally bright signs as well as the coloured lights that sparkle on eaves and trees. The chameleon voter can enter the voting booth a bright orange, turn red inside and emerge blue to say he or she voted for the winner. The chameleon voter who believes it is essential to elect a member of the governing party in order to share in the post-election largess, is little better than the lizards. Grant schemes, like Fednor and other regional disparity plans, are little more than the Sponsorship program, as the chameleons try to buy our votes. Given some reasonable tax legislation and a little less government interference, most viable businesses would do well without the grants.

Indeed, a Christmas campaign may not be as hard on the politicians and their workers as they are wont to tell us. Methinks it is the media people who are whining the loudest about having to work outdoors in mid winter. If the candidates are wearing the right colour when they knock on our doors, they might even be invited indoors for a little seasonal cheer to warm the cockles of their heart.

On the other hand, no doubt they will hear the ‘Bah Humbug’ more than once as they try to convince us of the integrity of their party and its promises.